"God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life and may I burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life, but a full one, like you, Lord Jesus."



Weblogs are, by nature, meant to be read by others than ourselves. Why else would we post in public? There is, therefore, the ever-present temptation to paint oneself in as positive a light as possible. Other than the decór I've used on the page, I'll try to avoid that (hey, even the decór came canned).

   


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Saturday, December 04, 2004
Giving Up The Knife

My brother-in-law had just finished telling us about when he gave up his knife.  He had kept it with him always, as a bit of a weapon, but also as a utility.  And the latter he used it for more than the former.  On one occassion, a mentor of his convinced him that carrying it around was really something that he needed to give up, because it was part of an image he was shedding.  So, quite naturally--and bear in mind I don't blame him one iota--he gave up his knife.

As he finished, I couldn't help but be a bit conscious of the Leatherman I keep at my side--always there, always ready for use.  A weapon?!  I think not!  But part of me was tempted to...maybe...just when I'm around my brother-in-law...just put it aside or something.  I didn't bring it up at the time, nor would I.  But then I thought a little bit..should I...should I...should I...maybe just...  Well, I had to think about it some.

After we finished visiting, I headed back to my own city.  As I passed through Temecula, I had to make a pit stop and get a meal.  I went to the mall where I found a stall to...sit down in.  After I had...sat down...the door began to swing open a little, and for privacy I threw the bolt a second time till it clicked, just to make sure.  It was that click that I found a little uncharacteristic, however, and I hoped I hadn't jammed the thing.  I finished my business and then went for the bolt.  Jammed.  Blast it!  Now I was really stuck: I'd either have to crawl out from underneath, or worse yet...call for help!  No thanks!

Then I got a bright idea: I'll just pull out my trusty Leatherman and...

Did you think I had really put it away from me?  NOT A CHANCE!!!  I pulled that sucker out and used the needle-nose pliers to work that piece of garbage loose!

Now, I really do appreciate that my brother-in-law gave up his knife, because it was for the right reasons.  But as for me, I'm keeping my Leatherman nice and close because--saint or warrior--it ain't no fun getting stuck in a public stall.

Posted at 08:54 pm by Mar_Komus
Your thoughts?

Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Writer's Block

I love to write.  I don't do it much anymore, but I love to write.  And every now and then I like to get on here and write an entry.  Something that will somehow captivate attention, but not so much for its own sake.  More for the sake of communicating God's truth to human hearts and human minds.  Something that I hope will address the soul in a way that really makes people think and act differently.

Then it happens: Writer's block.  I want to write something profound and really nothing comes to mind.  I think, "Well, it really has all been said before," or, "I really have nothing to say on any subject tonight."  And my writer's block, it seems, has become a bit of a brick wall FULL of writer's blocks!

Then I get this really silly idea: I'll write about writer's block.  And then my thoughts turn on me again and say, "Why, so you can hope to impress people with your Mr. Know-It-All-ness?"  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Maybe the writer's block is there for a reason.  To remind me who it is that really holds all knowledge and wisdom.  And if I have writer's block, it is because He has put it there.

And so there it sits.  And here I sit.  And until the block is pulled away by Him in whom we live, move, and have our being I have to submit to its relentless torture until my heart is set free.

There are, of course, more blocks in life than writer's block.  There is Compassion Block: when we are too busy to care about the people around us.  We can't stand whiners, so we don't hang with them or listen to them.  Problem people, in short, annoy us.  But when the chips are down, we just as quickly wear our emotions on our sleeves like merit badges and expect to be coddled.  Or worse yet, we can our feelings and just simmer, turning in on ourselves and becoming imbittered.

I'm sure I could list blocks until I was walled in by them all.  I'm sure you, the reader, could just as well list a few of your own.  Whatever they are, I think that the real key is seeing God's purpose in all of these trials.  When the blocks come, how do we react?  Are we being blocked from something that we think is good, but would harm us?

Maybe we can remember that we can plan our way, but God will ultimately determine if we can actually go that route.

I have nothing profound to end this entry with.  Writer's block has set in good this time.

Good night to all!

Posted at 09:30 pm by Mar_Komus
Your thoughts?

Thursday, September 30, 2004
Young and Indestructible

"When you're in your twenties you're young and indestructible," so goes popular thought.  I must be an exception to that rule.  I never thought of myself as "indestructible."  Full of dreams, yes, and young, but not indestructible.  I’m not sure that ANY of us really thought of ourselves as indestructible; we just didn’t see death the way older people do.  We rather had an idealistic view of death: going out in a blaze of glory—fulfilling some great destiny.  And older people looked on us and thought, “Yeah, yeah, ‘Ooooh!  Aaaah!  Destiny!’  Blah, blah, blah, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.”

 

I still have dreams.  Yet what would happen if the carpet was pulled out from underneath me and I was to find out today that there's a festering cancer in my abdomen that is lethal and indeed terminal?  What if I found out today that more than likely I will be dead in two years or less?  What would happen to all those dreams?  Where would my sense of destiny go?

 

Wiped out.

 

That's what happened to a young, promising student who was a year my junior back when I was in college.  He had quite a bit going for him: Athletic, happy, full of life and the Lord.  I think the ladies took a bit of a shine to him, too.  In hindsight, and if he would have been one of my students now, I would have said, "That young man has a destiny before him.  He would make a good missionary."  Then, in something as simple as a road trip from California to Missouri he and his best friend were in a car accident that claimed his life.  And there went all of what we could have ever expected of our friend.

 

Still, after his death and at his funeral there were more students that gave their hearts to the Lord than who might not otherwise have done so if he had never died.  And if the Lord wills to not return until later, those who followed Him that day will influence their children, their grandchildren, and perhaps generations beyond.  This young man’s example and witness is marked on the lives of those who knew him and is sealed with his blood.

 

I'd call that quite a destiny, wouldn't you?

 

But what made this young man so powerful in his influence?  Just following the Lord?  I don’t think so.  I know a lot of people who follow the Lord who don’t have half the influence my friend did.

 

I was reading the Proverbs the other day and came across this: "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth."  It reminded me of what James said in his letter:

 

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money."  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."  As it is, you boast and brag.  All such boasting is evil.  Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

 

Wow!  That is really harsh!  But it echoes what David said in the Psalms:

 

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days;

Let me know how fleeting is my life.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth;

The span of my years is as nothing before you.

Each man's life is but a breath.

Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro;

He bustles about, but only in vain;

He heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

 

How depressing!  Aren't you glad you're reading this?  But then we find this in scripture: "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."  And again Paul says to be wise and make the most of every opportunity.  Today is really all we have to do anything.

 

Maybe that is what made my friend such a prime candidate for people to speak of him as having a great future ahead of him (well...not that he didn't, but I'm speaking of an earthly future).  He lived in the now and did as he knew what was right to do.  He didn’t wait until tomorrow.  He understood intimately, I think, the meaning of those verses.  His life’s motto seemed to be, “Carpe diem!”  And seize the day he did!  He had a heart of wisdom because he was very aware that our time here is limited.  Ultimately, he lived—and died—what he used to preach: “Anyone of us could go at anytime.”

 

See you later…if the Lord wills.


Wednesday, September 29, 2004
The One True God

Did that title catch your attention?  You know why it did, don't you?  It caught your attention because of the bold title, "The One True God."  Likely there is a little part of you that is saying, "The one true God, eh?  We'll see about that!  He can't say there is only one true god."

Maybe.

The story is told of four blind men who were taken to an elephant to touch it and tell what it is like.  One touched the leg and said, "Ah...an elephant is like a tree."  Another touched the side and said, "No, an elephent is like a great wall."  Another touched the trunk and said, "No, an elephant is like a large snake."  Still the fourth touched the tail and said, "You are all wrong.  An elephant is like a rope."

 The story (in its various forms) is told to illustrate the fact that all of us are blind to what God is really like.  We each have our perspectives and nobody is really wrong, just different; we are all touching a part of God, and if we were to all put our perspectives together--finding the commonalities and discarding the differences--we would come up with what the one true god is like (provided we are monotheistic).

Absurd.

The story only illustrates that it takes a sighted one to bring the blind to the real thing and clarify things for them.  Furthermore, if all of us are blind, who is the sighted one?  Surely not the ones telling the tale, otherwise they are claiming they can see clearly and so contradict the very point they are trying to make.  They also fall under the condemnation of the Proverb that says, "Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes?  There is more hope for a fool than for him."  Even secular philosophers say, "There are the foolish who think they are wise and the wise who know they are fools."

Maybe this tale has a grain of truth, but the people are eating the leaves--not the grain.

Two strangers were discussing their girlfriends with each other.  "So what is she like," asked the first.  "Oh, man, she is SO beautiful!  She has a perfect figure, dresses well, smells nice..."  "Wow," said the other, "mine is like that, too!  What does she look like?"  "Well, she has long, dark hair; smooth to touch; a balanced make-up: not too much, not too little."  "What a coincidence!  My Candace is just like that, too!"  "Oh really?!  Candace?!  That's my girl's name, too!"  "Wow!  What are the chances?"  There was an odd pause.  The second man said, "Uh...my Candace is the quiet type."  Another odd pause.  "S-s-so is...uh...my Candace."  "My Candace works over at the department store here."  "You know, maybe we should go and meet...uh...Candace."  "Yeah, let's do that."  So the two men headed off towards the department store.  They walked into the women's section and the second man smiled and said, "There she is," and waved.  "Who? You mean that girl at the cashier's desk?  She's blonde!"  "No, man...the girl standing on the platform!"  "What girl?"  "HER," he exclaimed, pointing at..."THAT'S A MANNEQUIN!!!"  "SHHH!!!  He didn't mean that, sweetheart.  You're for real and our love is real."  Just then a security officer walked up to the two and said to the second man, "Sir, you'll need to leave.  We don't want you creating a scene like last time."  The first man began cracking up.  "Oh, man!  Your Candace...is a...*ha-ha*...a mannequin!"

It is true enough that though one entity can have many different and paradoxical features it can still be one and the same thing.  Equally true, however, is the fact that equal features do not equal one and the same thing.  And the differences are not always negligable, but often times essential.

Why are there so many religions--really, so many gods?  I think it has to do with the fact that many people can't deal with the fact that God is one way and not another.  And so they end up creating their own god or gods and end up in Voltaire's headlock: "God created man in his own image," he said, "and man returned the favor."

So who is this one true god?  However we conceive of him (all of creation is female by contrast, but that's another thread), he is who he is.

Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?'  Then what shall I tell them?"

God said to Moses, "I am who I am."

 


Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Forgiveness

Have you ever found it hard to forgive someone?  I know without a doubt that I have.  I took a job at an apartment complex under one of those managers that has a high turnover rate--if you know what I mean.  I came to resent him very much and forgiveness--it seemed--was not an option.

Tonight the Bible study my mom and brother attend met at our house.  We watched a short video segment on forgiveness.  I wondered, "Why is it that we so often find it difficult, even seemingly impossible, to forgive?"

I think a couple of things come to mind, at least for me.  Firstly, when I forgive, I often do so because the offense isn't really that great.  If someone cusses me out, I'm not offended because to me it just shows how immature they are.  If someone cuts me off in traffic, most of the time I contain myself.  But I often get a little aggetated because I think, "Just who does that person think they are?"  They have violated my priveledge to be curtius and let them pass if they signal and obey the rules of the road.  But by and large the offenses I forgive so easily are just little things that don't really matter--not to me, anyway.

Second, if I forgive it almost seems like I'm enabling them to continue the wrong behaviour.  I end up wanting them to experience immediate retribution for the crime committed.  I want them to pay the penalty so that they will be discouraged from doing it again.  I want them to apologize and learn from their error.  There seems to be a kernel of goodness to this, doesn't there: A wish for them to live a better life and live in harmony with their fellow human beings--to learn the value of humbly apologizing and receiving forgiveness and learning to never repeat the behaviour--or at least be making visible, attainable moves to correcting the problem.

Third, I think that for me not forgiving is a practical expression of not appreciating what Christ has done for me.  You see, God doesn't just forgive willy-nilly.  Someone still has to pay the price for the wrongs we do.  And that person was Christ Jesus himself.  It's like God took out all his anger and wrath on himself.  And when I choose to hold someone's sin against them, it is like saying to God, "I expect you to forgive me for my 'little slights and blunders' [we call them], but don't expect me to forgive so-and-so for what he/she did to me!"  We then reveal two things: We don't understand what we have done that is so bad in God's eyes and we don't really quite grasp the depths of the cross of Christ.

So sometimes forgiveness takes time.  I know with me, I've gotten past the whole, "I wish I'd never met this person" phase.  Now we are on good terms.  He isn't one of my pals or anything, but at least we can still greet one another and I don't feel disgusted in my spirit.  Of course, I still wish all that happened hadn't.

But I'm sure sometimes God wishes the same thing regarding Eden and all that followed.  He proves, though, doesn't he, one can bear scars for eternity and still love those who caused them.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Guidance and Knowing for Sure

Have you ever been lost?  Of course you have!  What a silly question!  But have you ever been really and dreadfully lost on the road?  You have a map.  You can even read it.  You know which way is North.  You know which way you're going, but you are still just lost.  This happened to me once.

I was with Cyndi on our way from our college in southwest Missouri to Indianapolis.  We were going through St. Louis and I had been through this tricky interchange (40 E to 70 E) only once before, and wouldn't you know it?  I took a wrong turn.  We stopped at a gas station not so we could ask directions, but so I could check my map.  I struggled with it for a few minutes, but just couldn't get my bearings!  Then Cyndi had an idea: Why don't we just drive around a bit and see if we can....  I can't remember the rest of what she said, because my mind was already in gear: ...see if we can what, get even more lost? (I didn't say that).  Nevertheless, I decided to not be a typical male and to listen to her.  We drove toward the street.  "Which way?"

"Ummmm...that way," she pointed.  So that is which way I went.  And everytime we got to an intersection, I would say, "Now which way," admittedly hoping she might give up and I could resume my frustrations with the map, but all the while still reserving a sense of wonder if we did actually find our way.  Well, lo and behold, just a few turns after we started this little hit and miss game, there was the sign, "TOO HGHWY."  I conceded and praised Cyndi for her intuitive way.

Did I miss something here?  I had my map, so I could find my way.  Ok, so I missed a turn.  But I should have been able to get back, but I couldn't.  Then someone who seems to "feel" her way around steps in and there we are, back on the road again.  I, still using my map, but eternally thankful that she was there to help me.

I like having all my ducks in a row.  I like there to be a good plan to follow.  Cyndi didn't have a plan.  She didn't KNOW for SURE where she was going.  I didn't know for sure if we would get caught in the "wrong part of town" and be stranded, or what.  But I trusted.  And we found our way.

I've found the guidance of the Holy Spirit to be like that.  He has given us His Book.  We follow that map, but every now and again we get confused and lose the way.  Then the Holy Spirit gently taps us on the shoulder (so to speak) and speaks to the heart, "Go there.  Do it like this.  Don't go there.  Talk to that person over there.  Help this one here.  Settle down; you'll be ok--it's just superglue."  All of the sudden--for me, anyway--I find my way back to the path.  And my heart is filled with joy.

I don't always understand how He guides.  But I trust what He tells me through His Word and through the promptings when I'm at my wit's end.  And I acknowledge that it is He who guides me.  And then my paths are straight and level.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

Tested.  Tried.  True.

Thursday, July 08, 2004
The Life You've Always Wanted

Titles should never promise more than they can deliver.

Wouldn't it be great if all you really had to do is click on that link and *POOF!!!* there it is: a weblog that contains words of wisdom so deep, so profound, so extraordinary that your whole life is changed by an instant infusion of just a simple point and click?

At this point, I should probably say something extremely profound, and yet so simple, so that the reader might walk away from this blog thinking, "Wow.  That guy said it all, man."  And wouldn't it be just like what you would expect if I were to simply say, "Just be yourself"?

What if I didn't?

I mean...I'm sure it would be no skin off anyone's nose if I didn't, and anyone could just as well say, "Suit yourself, it's your blog."  But what if I said something like you SHOULDN'T be yourself?  I think there would be a great outcry of replies ranging from a nice pleasant, "Well, we'll agree to disagree, " to a rude, "You can go straight to the living hell because I like myself!"  Maybe you do like yourself for who you are.  Maybe you don't.  Maybe you've struggled with self-esteem.  Maybe you haven't (Read: struggle with it constantly and try to hide the fact you do).  It's a universal problem, and one with which I'm quite familiar and to which I'm not immune.

But what if one has tried being oneself, only to find he or she just doesn't like what they see?  What if one is a murderer?  Should he just be himself?  I bet I know what many of you are thinking, but I disagree.  You are likely thinking, "If someone is a murderer, then they aren't being themselves."  But this assumes an absolute, universal standard of what it means to be oneself.  Then we are no longer individuals who can state who we are; we have to conform to a list of universal absolutes--the exact thing people quite often object to when they say, "Be yourself."  So what of those who have "been themselves," only to feel like they are beside themselves?

I think of a young man just a year or two older than myself that I knew when I was in college.  He was incarcerated at a maximum security prison for murder.  He had some attending circumstances, but when it comes down to it, he killed a man--with his very bare hands.  He told me that he simply held the guy under water until he could feel the man's very life slip away from him leaving nothing but a lifeless body.  It was one of the creepiest feelings I've ever felt--to sit right there eye to eye with a man who had taken the life of another.  And even though it was not me who committed the crime, I couldn't help but feel just a little dirty for having heard it.  I can't even begin to imagine how he must have felt.

I guess that is why I would have a hard time counseling him with words like, "You need to realize that that is who you are and be happy with who you are.  Be yourself."

This man began following Christ in the 90's.  Having come to Christ and finding that Jesus not only takes your sins away, but gives you a NEW life has been the good news that I feel I could always counsel him with.  He can walk a new life now, knowing that God, in Christ, has forgiven him.  Even though he may never walk a free man in this life, somehow the promise that God has granted him a full pardon is his comfort; it is his hope.  Now he spends his days more or less praising the God who set him free on the inside.  Oh, yes, he struggles with the guilt of his past--much as we all do, but in the long-run, he can count on God's grace.  And if God has forgiven him, then he can forgive himself.

Most of us, though, can't relate to his plight.  He was, after all, a murderer.  Most of us who read these weblogs are probably not ex-cons.  We are likely people who have lived a fairly moral life-style--nothing any other red-blooded human wouldn't have done.  Some of us might have been in trouble with the law--nothing more than a minor infraction, though--perhaps a misdemeanor.  We seem to think we pretty much have it all together.

Can I shatter that illusion?  I'm not sure I can.  Not on a weblog, anyway.  I'm quite sure that our jadedness to the problems that reside in our own hearts will only be drawn out as we get dirt honest with ourselves about ourselves.  Hint: Pride is that which stands as the biggest roadblock to recognizing our problems.

When one comes to that point, though, of finding that self-esteem isn't fraught with all the comforts people so commonly taut, it is then that one can properly deny oneself.  We can then see ourselves as God sees us.  And if we could see ourselves as He intends and accept what he has said about us as we stand in Christ, then life takes on a whole new meaning--with a new beginning.

It turns out the life we've always wanted is not found in focusing on our own lives, but on losing them to gain the Life that comes from Him in Whom we live, move, and have our being.

Just be your God-intended self.

Saturday, July 03, 2004
"I had a dream. And that dream was taken from me."

Have you ever had a really great dream?  I mean the kind of dream where everything you value in life is right there happening before your very eyes.  You see yourself getting married to the person you always wanted.  You are in the career you had hoped for.  You see your children.  You might even see your demise, but it is ok; you are at peace.  It is like a portal into the future or into your own heart-felt desires.  And then you wake.  You realize that it was..."just a dream"...or was it?

Did you catch all three of the Matrix movies?  Of all the characters, I found Morpheus to be the most engaging.  Morpheus, as his name suggests to those familiar with mythology, was vision-oriented and had a lot of "dream" lines: When he first met Neo he likened Neo's present life to a dream from which he might not wake up.  How then could he tell the difference between real and dream?  The Oracle lamented for him that he was, "Poor Morpheus" because of his fixation with his dream that he would be the one to find...The One.  In the last movie, Morpheus, realizing that things weren't going exactly as planned stared hollowly into mid-air and like a whipped dog said, "I had a dream.  And that dream was taken from me."

Have you ever met someone devoid of their dreams?  You probably have and perhaps don't even realize it.  They might be that cranky old person that gets under your skin; especially when you express dreams and goals of your own and all they do is "hrmph."  They might be the people who always express a skeptical thought when you tell them about some great vision you've had.  They may even be the people you sit with at the lunch table who don't even know their dreams have been taken from them yet, but who, one day, will loose ground and let go of what it was they thought they were after.

Helen Keller is often quoted as saying that worse than a person without sight is a man with sight, but no vision.

I had a dream.  I had one of those dreams where I saw my future: married to her; going overseas, but not to the exact place I had thought; getting ship-wrecked and having to swim for it, but still at peace because I know my God; and watching her walk by a grave marker with a little one.

Then I woke up.  We won't ever be together.  And now that I'm a little wiser, I think I'm glad for it.  I'll probably never end up doing any of the things I saw--not specifically.  Maybe I'll live to a ripe, old age.  Maybe the Lord will return before then.  The destruction of that dream used to bother me--that it was just a dream.

I had a dream.  And that dream was taken from me.

Then came a loud cry, like an echo through the centuries of one whose voice cried out in the desert.  In the middle of a sermon on the cross, my Bible college prof. exclaimed...

"Jesus doesn't want to just take away all your sins!  He wants all your hopes, all your fears, all your dreams--EVERYTHING!!!"

Wow!  That was a strong statement of surrender!  The message was clear to me: When Jesus went to the cross, he gave up everything he could have had to gain what he really wanted.  He could have forced everyone to worship him by calling on the angels of heaven to come and rescue him from the cross.  He could have ruled with an iron fist.  But he laid down those potential dreams for something far greater: us.  And when I consider that he gave up his dreams, how could I hold mine back from him?  "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me."  But now I had a problem: I had no dream--no vision.

What would it be like if God were to take away everything we held dear?  There was a man in the Bible by the name of Job.  One could say he was fulfilling his dreams: Family, successful career, lands, livestock, etc.  This was a wealthy, righteous, and influencial guy.  Then Satan came along and basically said that Job was only loving God because of the good things God had given him.  So God allowed Satan to take away all the good things Job had, except for Job's wife--who turned out to be no comfort.  Job, however, never cursed God, but said, "Naked I came and naked I shall depart.  The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  May the Name of the Lord be blessed forever."  Job then endures the poor counsel of well-meaning, but misguided friends.  In the end, God finally speaks and lets Job know that he is still on his throne and is in control.  He then restores twice as much to Job as what he had before.

If we lose our dreams for Him, what makes us think that He won't restore to us twice as much as before?  Or does Jesus merely jest when he says, "Anyone who wishes to save his life will lose it.  But whoever loses his life for my sake and for the gospel's sake will find it."  And again, "Give, and it will be given to you: a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and overflowing."  And yet again, "No one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields--and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life." 

"I had a dream.  And that dream was taken from me."  Take heart, Morpheus, everything will work out for the better.

This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am Yahweh your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the path you should walk."  --Isaiah 48:17

Saturday, June 12, 2004
Love and Religion

Have you ever watched a romance between a couple bloom and grow?  I've observed one couple with somewhat marked interest.  I think in part it is because I have such a huge respect for this guy.  But I also think that it is in part because I don't understand why he is with...well...her.  You see, he is one of those guys who loves just because it seems like it is the core characteristic of his entire being.  Make no mistake: He's a pretty rustic-looking fellow, but it's as if God Himself just took up residency in this guy and directs his every move.  That is why I don't understand why he can be with...her.

She's not what a lot of us would consider "marriage material."  Does that sound cruel?  What I mean is, she doesn't seem to have a few basic things figured out about love and being married.  Like mutual respect, honor, fidelity, etc.  She seems to think that he is there to be her sugardaddy or something.  She plays up to him to get what she wants.  Sometimes he gives in, but many times I see him struggling to teach her how to live as the kind of wife he needs (and as far as I'm concerned, deserves).  He's always a gentleman, but there are times when he has to put his foot down (No, he doesn't abuse or intimidate her.  He's just very firm about it all).

I know sometimes people say, "Well, it takes two to tango; I wonder what HE is doing or NOT doing to make her act like that."  You know, when he has to go across town, bust into some crack-head's apartment, drag her out of there stoned, drunk, and smelling like sex, it gets pretty exhausting to listen to people say such things.  (The next morning, of course, she's like, "I'm sorry, honey..." blah blah blah and he forgives her YET AGAIN!!!)

"Well, why doesn't he divorce her?  It seems awfully dysfunctional for him to stay in that relationship."  I couldn't agree more!!!  I'm not trying to defend him, but it seems he has some convoluted dream that she can somehow become the woman he wants.  "Well, hasn't anyone told him that he can't change her?"  I don't know.  He seems like he knows quite a bit and I'm sure he's heard that before, but its like he's not all that convicned.  He seems to think love is the most powerful thing in the universe.  Well...I mean...I don't mean to disagree with him, but this gal is really...well...I can't really bring myself to say anything low against her for the sheer fact that she is this guy's wife and I respect him too much.

I actually did have a chat with him once about this.  "Well," he said, "its like this.  I love that woman more than my own life.  And she's really come a long way.  You're too young to remember what she was like before all this.  I found her actually lying literally face-down in a gutter.  She was one of those wild girls that just could't stand daddy's rules so she left home.  She decided she was going to make it big--be a somebody.  Like so many other naive little teens she was promised a lot and was given very little in return for her body.  Those bastards had her jumping through all their little hoops promising her if she did this or that then she would gain all the world had to offer.  Bunch of cheap chumps.  I found her when she was eighteen--four years after she left home.  There she was in the gutter just lying there crying and stained with blood on what was left of her undergarments.  She'd had an abortion performed by the man at the laundromat."  I looked at him askance.  "You know, the man with a hanger who'll do any job for cheap.  Anyway, she was half out of it, so I called an ambulance and went to the hospital with her, saying I was a friend.  They saved her life.  Well, she said I did.  I asked if she had a place to go after the hospital.  She shrugged her shoulders and said, 'Yeah.'  So I asked where and she was like, 'a friends house.'  I didn't believe her and told her as much.  She just said, 'I'll find a place.'  So I said, 'Well, can I be your friend?'  Well, she decided to take a chance with me because she really felt like she didn't have much more to lose, so when she was well enough, she left the hospital with me."

To make a long story short, they started out rough, but things got better as he loved her patiently, but firmly.  They decided to get married (AWESOME wedding, btw), but still have troubles from time to time.  He still believes that she'll pull through alright.

I think he just might be right.  I've never known Jesus to be wrong.  And maybe someday his bride will come to her senses and be as pure and spotless as a virgin on her wedding day.

Religion makes all kinds of meaningless rules and promises many things if we just jump through the right hoops.  Unfortunately, no religion can give what it promises.  A promise is only as good as the one who makes it.  And if the one who makes it is this establishment called Religion, then it is bound to fail because abstract concepts are not bound to their promises (like who will hold Religion accountable?  Will Religion end up in a prison somewhere, or be fined for not following through?).

Only a person can make and keep (or break) promises.  Only a personal being can give and receive love.  Only in personal relationships can we experience love the way God intended.  And only in a relationship with God do we experience his love.  God has in mind one religion: compassion and obedience.  But even acceptable religion without love is meaningless and empty.  One missionary was asked what religion he is.  His response: "The love of Christ has nothing to do with religion."  And he went on to explain what it means to follow Jesus, love him, and be loved by him.

That is the difference between love and religion.

Posted at 09:11 pm by Mar_Komus
Your thoughts?

Sunday, May 23, 2004
Things to Think About

I recently officiated my sister's wedding.  They were married in here in CA and the whole wedding went so well!  It was both solemn and fun and it was truly an honor to be able to do this for her.  It was such a happy gathering of friends and family.  Met a number of her friends and saw the official union of my sister to the man who is now my brother-in-law.  Truly joyous!

I've inherited more computer parts to play with, so my two computers that are slated for donation to needy students at the college I graduated from are that much closer to completion.  Still need hard drives.  I just hope that adding them to the power demand won't over tax the PSU's.  Probably ok if it happens again, but preferably only once (I have obtained several as a part of the whole deal of inheriting these parts).  This endeavor to learn computer repair/building/upgrading had been one that I feel strongly led to pursue as a means of income and an internationally marketable trade.  Praise God for His provisions!

Heard from my mentor in Mexico.  He had a LOOOOONG e-mail recording his day-to-day journal about just ordinary things and how much he misses his wife (she is presently staying with their daughter who is dieing of cancer in Guat., Jalisco).  But it was well worth reading because at the end, he told how he journied from their house in Petatlan, Gro. all the way to Gaut. so he could surprise his wife on her birthday.  She was still asleep when he came into her bedroom and he was holding some roses and singing, "Happy Birthday."  He's THE MAN!!!  Reminds me of how Christ will come to take His Bride Home: He will come when she least expects it, but He will come with flowers and song, because He loves her.  He truly IS the Man!

I've been missing my family in Christ back in Missouri SO badly as of late.  I miss their smiles, their friendship, the deep sense of love we have for one another, the Bible studies we did, the volunteer work we did together, and just being around them in general.  Well, I was in Oceanside the other day with my mother and the grandparents of my nephew on his biological father's side.  We were waiting for a table at Rudy's on the pier when in walked a tall, middle-aged fellow who I thought looked like one of the profs I had back in college.  I decided to wait until he gave his name.  When he said, "Chris," I called out and said, "Would you like to join us for lunch?"  And a reunion ensued.  What a blessing!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." -Paul to the Philippians (4:8).

Posted at 04:14 pm by Mar_Komus
Your thoughts?

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